Biological Misunderstandings
by JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: Engineer Kirk receives an unusual gift from aliens who don't quite understand human biology. (The only time I've ever written mpreg, just for kicks and giggles) Fourth in The Engineer Kirk/Captain Uhura series.


To say that Lieutenant Kirk was confused would be a massive understatement. It wasn't that he was in any danger, per se, but his body was doing things it definitely wasn't made to do. Why did he like pickles so much? What was he so prone to weird mood swings? Why had he been puking almost every morning? He'd been in the middle of a stupid argument with his wife this morning when he'd had to stop and run to the bathroom for the fifth time this week. She'd finally ordered him to sickbay none too gently and took him off duty until further notice.

Feeling horrible about snapping at her, he'd made his way meekly to Bones, who was rather suspicious about his coming to see him willingly. Kirk normally had to be dragged down or bribed with, ahem, favors by Uhura in order to visit sickbay. He was so miserable, though, even the prospect of hypos didn't bother him.

Now, he sat on an examination table waiting for Bones to get the results of an exam. The way Bones's eyebrows shot up and the muttered "What the... This can't be right" when he ran the tricorder over Jim was causing the young engineer much anxiety. He waited with dread, hoping he didn't have some awful disease. He'd thought it was the food on the planet that had made him sick, but Bones didn't look like that over food poisoning.

Finally, the doctor emerged, shaking his head and muttering, "Only You, Jim. Only You."

"What's wrong with me, Bones. Am I dying?" He asked nervously.

Bones sighed and half-chuckled. "Nope. But I'm going to need you to call Uhura down here. She's going to want to hear what I'm going to say."

This really didn't ease Jim's fears, but he pulled out his comm and called his wife.

"What is it, Jim?" she said long-sufferingly.

"Bones hasn't told me yet. He wants you there for this," Jim answered uneasily.

"Are you okay?" She asked, tone suddenly concerned.

"I hope so," Jim answered honestly. "Could you come down here for a minute?"

"Sure, honey. I'll be there as soon as I can."

She wasn't kidding. Barely three minutes after Kirk called her, she was standing beside him in sickbay, looking just as nervous as he was.

"What's wrong, Leonard?", she asked the doctor. He sat down in a chair facing them and took a deep breath.

"Jim, Nyota, you remember the visit with the Bolunians, right?" They nodded. "They asked you those weird questions about offspring and acted all shocked that Jim hadn't had kids."

"Yep," Jim commented. "They acted like it was a travesty. No concept of biology at all."

"That's because it's the males of their species who bear young!" Bones blurted in exasperation. "Obviously, they decided it was wrong that you hadn't borne Uhura any children and they granted you the gift of fertility by some witchcraft or alien voodoo. Jim, you're gonna be a Daddy. Or a mommy. I'm not sure which."

"What?" Said Uhura, in disbelief. "That can't be possible!" croaked poor flabbergasted Jim, "Men can't get pregnant!"

"This one did!" Bones shot back, pointing at him as if he had personally gone out begging to be knocked up.

"If it's true, that WOULD explain why I've been puking and moody and hoarding jars of gherkins."

Jim felt somewhat faint as he thought how his symptoms WERE rather first trimester like, no matter how impossible it was to believe. He looked down at his stomach, a weird feeling going through him at the thought of a baby inside him.

"Is it safe?" The Captain asked worriedly, also gazing at Jim's belly.

"More tricky than normal, but not overtly risky if you follow my guidelines, Jim. You're going ahead with this, then?" He asked them.

Jim shared a long look with Nyota, who looked shell-shocked.

"You sure you want to, honey?" She questioned. "They did this without even asking you what you wanted."

Jim gave her a small smile. "Come here, Ny," he said, holding out his hand. She came over and sat down beside him, taking his warm hand seriously. "It may not have been expected, or anything I ever thought possible, and I'm still in shock, but that doesn't mean I don't want it. Just imagine how adorable our offspring will be. And you can brag that you knocked up James T. Kirk," he added with a grin.

"Quite an accomplishment, Captain," put in Bones, with a grin.

She snorted back a laugh, burying her face in Jim's shoulder.

"This is insane, Jim. I thought I was going to have kids with you someday, but never like this. You'll have to give up alcohol for a while and be on light duty. Think you can survive, babe?"

Her eyes twinkled at him as she smiled. Jim shrugged.

"Yes, if you can survive my cravings and mood swings. I was really awful this morning." He looked remorseful.

"Well, I guess we know why, Jim." Nyota gave a sigh of relief and embraced her husband. "I'm glad it's not some horrible virus you picked up down there. When do you think he's...um...due, Leonard?"

Jim buried his face in his hands, beet red at his predicament and the thought of childbirth.

"He's about seven weeks along, so I'd say late September or early October if things go all right." He heard Leonard answer faintly from his daze. Oh, boy, he was in for it now.

Telling people was the hardest. Everyone was thrilled until they were told who was actually carrying the baby, then their faces changed to shock, skepticism, and creeped out. Except for good ole Spock, who said "Fascinating" and began observing Jim like an interesting lab experiment. Scotty was stunned, but offered congratulations to the couple and told Jim he wasn't allowed anywhere near the main engineering area in the near future. Jim was rather miserable and spent a lot of time curled up in bed, anti-nausea hypos at the ready.

The third month in, he was feeling better and his cravings were all over the map. He ate ham and jelly sandwiches galore and Nyota gagged when she saw him putting pickles in his ice cream. She wouldn't eat in the same room with him for some time after that.

At seventeen weeks, he was alternating between three states: hungry, hormonal, and horny. The other engineers were walking on eggshells around him, afraid of upsetting the emotional Apple cart. The Captain spent a lot of "quality time" with her husband those days and nights. It was hard to turn down a pregnant man, especially when he asked so nicely. (The pleading blue eyes worked in his favor). Before they'd drift off to sleep, she'd press gentle kisses to the soft lump that was the beginnings of Jim's baby belly and whisper endearments to their unborn child.

Month five, he clearly had a baby bump, as he saw in the mirror all too plainly. "My abs, my beautiful abs!" He moaned, overdramatically, looking at his paunch.

"I think it's cute, Jim," comforted Nyota, wrapping her arms around his bare middle. "You've got a little passenger now who needs room to grow." She kissed her hand and pressed it to his belly button. "Besides, you'll get them back when this little one is out."

He sighed. "Good thing. I can only imagine how big I'll be before this is over. Are you up to doing a little encouraging tonight?" He waggled his brows at her.

She gave him a sultry look in return. "Why do you think I'm wearing your favorite nightie?"

Jim grinned and kissed her all the way to the bed.

At six months, he was getting large enough to require altered uniforms. He was grumpy about his baggy clothes, but the ultrasound Bones did made his jaw drop in wonder at the sight of the little life inside him. He'd squeezed his wife's hand and they'd shared a look filled with emotion at the miracle of their baby. A tear slipped down Jim's cheek when his friend told them it was a girl. He gasped as she responded to the activity by kicking him vigorously.

"Whoa, now, honey, settle down now," he soothed, rubbing his belly. Bones grinned as he cleaned Jim up.

"She kicking you, Jim?"

"Yep," said the daddy-to-be, proudly. "Packs quite a wallop, too."

Nyota reached out to feel for herself and smiled happily at the movement from the baby.

"I always wanted to have a strong daughter," she said fondly to her husband.

When he reached seven months, it was getting harder to get around and Bones placed him on official restrictions to the most basic routine maintenance. Jim didn't argue much. He got tired really easily and he really didn't like going out where people could stare at his ballooning belly like he was a circus sideshow.

"I might as well be wearing a billboard: Come See The Pregnant Man!", he'd grumbled. However, he was willing to let Joanna McCoy, who was visiting her father, feel his stomach for the

baby's kicking, which still could be quite energetic. Her little face would light up when she felt the baby respond and she chattered away happily to her dad about her discoveries. Jim hoped his daughter would be that charming.

Jim was on bed rest for much of the eighth month of his pregnancy. When he wasn't, he waddled like a duck, looked like a whale, and felt like a seahorse. His feet were swollen up and could only get into extremely large baggy sweats.

"When will this ever be over?," he groaned, as Nyota rubbed his feet one night.

"Two more weeks, sweetie," she promised, leaning over to kiss his stretched abdominal skin, "then we'll finally meet our little girl. You've done amazing through this Jim. I'm so proud of you. So Is Commander Kirk. Your mom used her powers to get leave to be there for the birth."

Jim chuckled imagining that. Winona could be very...persuasive to get the brass to let her see her boys.

The Enterprise crew had thrown them a baby shower recently and their quarters were filled with infant paraphernalia and clothing. Nyota squealed over the frilly pink dresses and Jim was enthralled with tiny sleepers covered with starships.

When Bones decided it was time, Jim was wheeled down to Medbay and prepped for surgery. (The Bolunians had forgotten one important detail). Nyota and Winona were both present as he was opened up and baby Kirk brought forth. A tiny wail filled the air, heralding the little one's arrival. Jim gasped at the sound he'd been waiting for for nine months. Uhura's grip on his hand tightened and her eyes filled with tears.

"How is she?" He asked weakly, clutching at Bones. The doctor smiled mistily and cleared his throat.

"Just fine, Jim. You've got a beautiful daughter."

"She's gorgeous, Jimmy!", came Winona's emotional voice from nearby.

"And Loud," chuckled Jim, as her cries went up a notch in volume. It seemed an eternity before he was allowed to hold her, but finally, cleaned up and clothed, she was placed into his arms.

"Look at you, Elisa Starr," he murmured. "Sweetest little angel that ever graced this ship. You've got your mama's looks and your daddy's lung capacity. You're so worth it. I'll have to send the Bolunians a thank you present. What a gift." He stared at the tiny human in his arms, eyes moist as he scanned her precious features.

"Yes, you are, sweet little darling," agreed Nyota, tracing Elisa's dark wisps of hair. "Mommy and Daddy love you very much." She kissed her daughter and then Jim. "I love YOU very much, Jim." She wiped a sweaty lock of hair from his face.

"I love you too, babe, but next time I get to do the knocking up, okay?" She laughed softly, eyes on the newborn blinking up at them.

"It's a deal, Jim."

That evening, as the exhausted (and unconventional) new father slept, Nyota and Winona adored the newborn. Nyota was feeding Elisa from a bottle and Winona was sitting nearby, mesmerized by her granddaughter.

"Do your parents know yet?" She asked softly, admiring the wrinkly newborn expressions on the sweet baby's face as she sucked.

"Yes. My mother is thrilled and we're going to do a video call when Jim feels up to it. They're still bewildered as to how it happened the way it did, but a grandbaby is a dream come true for them."

"I'll never forget the look on his face when Jim called me in a panic to say aliens made him knocked up," Winona reminisced. "He was so scared. I never thought I'd be giving my son advice on morning sickness."

Nyota laughed, the sound causing Elisa to fix her big blue eyes on her mother. "It's pretty bizarre, all this role reversal. But Jim did a good job being a mommy." Her eyes twinkled with mirth as Jim snored in his bed.


End file.
